Steadfast Care Planning
Steadfast Care Planning is for people who want to learn how to best plan for their longevity including how to navigate extended care, long-term care insurance options, and other challenges that older adults face. Join Kelly Augspurger, Certified Senior Advisor (CSA)® and long-term care insurance specialist as she has thought-provoking conversations with industry professionals. Tune in as Kelly guides you on how to plan for care to live well.
Steadfast Care Planning
Dementia Caregiving Simplified with Valarie Langel
Do you know someone caring for a person with dementia?
🎙In this episode of Steadfast Care Planning, Kelly talks with Valarie Langel, a nurse practitioner who specializes in geriatrics and author of "Dementia Caregiving Simplified."
Here's how to navigate the journey with grace and support:
1/ 🧠 Dementia is more than memory loss. It involves confusion, speech difficulties, and emotional challenges. Recognize the stages early for better care and planning. Valarie Langel’s insights are a game-changer. 💡
2/ 🏃♀️ Avoid burnout! Join caregiver support groups for emotional support and involve family members in care. Take personal time each week for self-care. You’re not alone. ❤️
3/ 📝 Legal prep is crucial. Appoint Power of Attorney, prepare healthcare documents, and plan financially. Kelly Augspurger emphasizes, “Prepare today for a secure tomorrow.” 📜
4/ 🛏️ Consider hospice care for additional support. It’s not just for the final days—patients can improve and be in hospice for months. Medicare covers these vital services. Think quality of life! 🌟
5/ 💬 Communicate effectively with dementia patients. Be at eye level, use gentle touch, and avoid phrases like “Do you remember when…?” Small changes make huge impacts.
6/ 🚶♂️ Reduce fall risks: Use natural light, sensor lights, and solid-bright colors for better visual recognition. Safety first!
7/ 🥗 Adjusted diet: Dementia can alter taste preferences. Offer limited options with visual cues to encourage eating—think colorful and simple! 🍏🍞
8/ 📚 Valarie Langel’s book, "Dementia Caregiving Simplified," is packed with real-life examples and tips. A must-read for caregivers. 🌟
9/ 🔎 Early intervention is key. If your loved ones exhibit unusual behaviors, don’t delay seeking help. Early stages often go unnoticed.
10/ 🏡 Make homes dementia-friendly. Label switches, remove rugs, and create familiar routines. Little changes can make a big difference. 🏠
11/ 🎶 Activities like music therapy, puzzles, and trivia keep dementia patients engaged and joyful.
12/ 💖 Don’t forget about YOU! Caregiver health is essential. Support groups, hobbies, and self-care prevent burnout and ensure you’re at your best. Rediscover your passions. 🌷
For additional information about Kelly, check her out on Linkedin or www.SteadfastAgents.com.
To explore your options for long-term care insurance, click here.
Steadfast Care Planning podcast is made possible by Steadfast Insurance LLC,
Certification in Long Term Care, and AMADA Senior Care.
Come back next time for more helpful guidance!
Hey everyone. Welcome to Steadfast Care Planning, where we plan for care to live well. I'm Kelly Augspurger, long-term care insurance specialist, and your guide. With me today is Valarie Langel, a nurse practitioner specializing in geriatrics with experience in dementia care across facilities and memory care centers. And she's the author of her book, "Dementia Caregiving Simplified". Welcome, Val. Thanks so much for being here.
Yes, thank you for having me. This was really exciting and I think we can really touch a bunch of people with this podcast. So this is awesome.
I think so, too. We are going to be talking about how dementia caregivers can really elevate their understanding, implement practical solutions, guard against burnout, which we know is so common, and really prepare for life after caregiving. So, Val, can we jump right in?
Yeah, let's go.
Okay, well, to start out, give us a little bit of background of what dementia is.
Yeah. So dementia, you know, sometimes we always think about memory loss. It's like the first thing, but it's not necessarily always just memory loss. And I'm just going to pull out a couple of things that I have in my book. Some of the common things is, yeah, they show some confusion, maybe difficulty in understanding you when you speak with them, or they're starting to have difficulty reading and writing. Maybe they're having some paranoia, hallucinations, and sometimes their speech starts to be affected. And so those are all signs of someone with dementia. They may have one thing and they may have all of them, but it's, you know, we always kind of jump to that, "Oh, they have memory loss."
Well, it can be more than that. And we think of like cognitive impairment. So, many people, they get frustrated because, "Oh, well, my mom is still kind of remembering everything, why are they saying she has dementia?" So I'd like you to think of those other things. The other thing is inability to control their emotions. They might have exacerbated moments of feeling sad, lonely. Those are all signs of dementia, as well. And dementia is kind of like a blanket term. There's so many different forms of dementia, and the one that's most common that we think of is Alzheimer's.
Most people know what Alzheimer's is. You can tell a person has Alzheimer's a lot of times by scans in the brain and things like that. But there's other types, too. Maybe they've had a stroke in the past, or they were a smoker and now they have vascular dementia, which means they have narrowing of their arteries and veins in their brain and that's causing them to have some dementia, memory loss, confusion, things because of vascular reasons. Or, you think your diabetics, they're at risk of vascular dementia. So there's other types like Parkinson's. Parkinson's is a neurodegenerative disease a lot of us know, too, that a person can get dementia from that.
It's not only destroying parts of their body, but it destroys parts of their brain and that gives them dementia. So again, dementia is kind of like a blanket term and it can cause all kinds of symptoms. So hopefully that kind of helps.
That does. So it's really an umbrella, right, Val? Like, dementia is this huge umbrella, but then there's so many different types of dementia underneath the umbrella of dementia. And so, it really is this overarching word that gets used a lot. I think it's often misunderstood, but I think that's a good intro. I know there are different stages of dementia, so talk us through. What are these different stages, Val?
Yeah, so Stage 1, they may not, to you, have any cognitive impairment. You might not even notice that there's anything going wrong with them, but there's slight little things going on inside. And maybe they notice it, maybe they're experiencing it, but you haven't noticed it yet. So that's usually what we kind of say Stage 1 is, or you had an MRI done, or a CAT scan and they happen to see something on it and they're like, "Oh, you know, you have vascular changes." And they might kind of say, "Stage 1." Stage 2 is very mild. So this might be your person that's forgetting where their car keys are all the time, or they forgot to turn the stove off, or some people say, "Oh, it's more of an age related memory deterioration," when really it's not age related.
They're having some dementia for whatever reasons caused it. Stage 3 is what we would call mild cognitive impairment. They're actually starting to miss doctors appointments. They are forgetting birthdays, forgetting things that, you know, maybe they forgot their favorite recipe and they were like, "How do I make that again?" They have to actually get the card out and read it. Okay, so those are the kind of things you kind of start seeing in that Stage 3. Stage 4, we call moderate, you really start to see some significant changes. They start getting lost when they're driving at night, or they forgot how to get home, or they got lost in the parking lot. And they really probably should not be driving in this stage.
But a lot, unfortunately, are. Their sleeping habits get disrupted. Maybe they have difficulty even making a simple decision of "What do I wear today? I'm overwhelmed by what's in my closet." So when they're in that stage, an easy thing to do is actually reduce the amount of clothes they have. So they have just a few things to pick from, and then they don't get as frustrated.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Okay. Stage 5, moderately severe. They usually require a lot of help. 24/7 care. They need help with their daily activities. And Stage 6, severe. Not only cognitively, but physically. They've really deteriorated.
You're going to see them in memory cares. They have difficulty remembering to brush their teeth, when to eat, when to drink. And then Stage 7 is very severe. This is the point where you would want to start talking about end of life, how to keep them comfortable, quality. They probably don't remember who you are, or what their name is. And you might even be talking about hospice care.
Okay. What stage do you typically see people get diagnosed with dementia?
Too late. Yeah, I probably see more in the Stage 3, which is too late. You know, if we would have diagnosed it sooner, maybe some more medications would help prevent the progression. But I would say Stage 3, and then when I'm in the facility, I might even be diagnosing the first time when they're already moderate to severe and the family has just kind of been like, "Oh, I've been dealing with this. I thought this was normal."
Yeah, it's abnormal, right? This is not normal aging, right?
Correct.
Yeah, very different. Well, let's talk through home care and dementia, Val, because I know so many people, whether they have dementia or they're just aging and they need some assistance. Aging in-home is often really important for people and their families. Now, we know sometimes people might move to facilities because that ends up being better for their family. But if they do want to stay home, what are some ways that people can make their home dementia friendly?
Yeah, I'll just pick out a couple of things, like light switches. If you think of, like the normal flip switch to us might be easy because we still have our fine dexterity with our fingers, but for them, it could be difficult. Or they don't even remember which light switch works what. So putting a post it on it, "This is the light for this room," or like stickers makes it easier for them to know it's just something simple. Getting rid of rugs. Rugs are huge fall risks. We don't want rugs in the home.
We want to reduce their fall risk. Lots of natural light. It's easier on their eyes. It makes them feel calmer just the more light you have, the better. And, at night, maybe having those little sensor lights on your stairs that come on when they sense motion, that helps them know where they need to go, reduces their fall risk. And they can see because a lot of times when they're in these stages of dementia, they have visual difficulties. There are changes in their vision. And color variety, bright color throws, and linens and things that they can see make it easier than if they're paisley prints, or checkered, that could be overwhelming to them.
And just choosing bright, solid colors helps.
Okay, Yeah. I think those are all great tips. And in Val's book, she has so many examples. I mean, pages and pages depending on what room in the house and what the activity is. She really gives some great details and great ideas for how to do this, not just in the home, but really everything that we're going to be talking about today. She goes into a lot of detail and gives great tips and great ideas. So if you want more information, you're going to have to get her book to really dive deep and get some greater detail. Okay, Val, what about how do you communicate with someone with dementia when they're having difficulty processing language? Where do you start? What do you do?
Yeah, I think the most important thing is to get down on their level. Face-to-face, eye level, where they can see you, clearly hear you is the most important thing. So when you walk up to your loved one, you're looking directly at them, you're talking to them, maybe you're putting your hand on them and providing that physical touch, because then that helps them focus on you. You know, if you think about us, we're easily distracted by all kinds of things, but when you have dementia, that's even 50 times worse. So just doing that simple thing really helps you be able to create a good communication between the two of you. And also, I think something I want to touch on is we often will say different phrases that will really trigger them. I kind of wanted to touch on what not to do when communicating with a person with dementia, because these are things that we all do. Even I do.
And I don't even realize saying the word. "Do you remember when..." that immediately makes them like, "First of all, well, I don't know if I remember," or if they don't remember whatever you're talking to them about maybe going to Spain on this wonderful trip and they can't remember, it immediately makes them close-off, scared, frustrated, discouraged, and then they don't even want to carry the conversation, or it might exacerbate a behavior. Maybe they'll immediately say, "Well, I'm not going to finish my meal, I'm leaving." So try not to use phrases like that and say, "Hey mom, I loved that trip to Spain and we did this, this and this..." Instead of saying, "Do you remember when...?" "How many times do I have to tell you?" That's when that they're like, they maybe they don't remember that you just told them 10 times, but immediately that tone of your voice and the way that you said that, they're going to shut off, they're not going to want to communicate with you and you're not going to get whatever you wanted across to them.
Right. Well, I think, Val, even someone without dementia, you know, saying that, saying that phrase to them, they're probably not going to react very well to it.
Yeah.
"How many times do I have to tell you? How many times have I told you?" Yes, that person's probably going to shut down. So imagine if you have dementia and you're having difficulty processing language. It's going to be even worse.
Yeah. And then another one is, "Do you know who I am?" Because maybe they don't really remember, or they remember you, but they don't remember your name. And it immediately makes them like...if I would say, "I'm your daughter, I'm Valerie." And then they're like, "Oh my gosh, I don't even remember my own daughter." So try not to say things like that. Like say, "Hi, I'm Valerie, I'm your daughter. How are you feeling today?" Instead of, "Do you remember who I am?" And I do this too. I walk into a room with a geriatric patient and I'll say some of these things not even realize.
And I'm like, "Man, why did I just say that? I didn't mean to."
Yeah, those are great tips, Val. And again, she has way, way more of these tips in her book, so definitely check it out.
The Steadfast Care Planning podcast is sponsored by AMADA Senior Care. AMADA provides complimentary consultation with a senior care advisor to find the right care from in-home caregiving to community care, as well as long-term care insurance claim advocacy and unique support partnerships for financial advisors to address family transitions and generational retention. To learn more, visit www. SteadfastWithAmada.com.
What about tips for when creating a daily routine, or schedule for dementia care, Valarie?
I would say one of the big things is what was their routine before? Did they always get up at 8am, read the newspaper, and eat breakfast and have their coffee. If that was their routine, create that routine now, wherever they're living, either at home with their family, in the facility, wherever they are, because then it will help them feel more comfortable. You know, dementia, a lot of times they don't want to eat, they don't remember to eat. But if you create the routine that they've been used to for the last 50 years, it makes it easier.
What are some common dietary challenges with dementia and how do you tackle them?
So a lot of times their taste changes. That's one of the biggest things. They no longer want the fruits and vegetables that they always wanted, or maybe that steak and potato dinner. They want sugary, high carbohydrate foods. They want the chocolate and things. So, depending on what stage they are, a lot of times it's what do they want to eat, what do they like to eat? And present those things to them and then let them pick from those. If you say, "Here's your grilled cheese and tomato soup today," and you don't give them any other options, then they might not want to eat that. But if you say, "Hey, here's an option of peanut butter and crackers, because you know, they love those.
And here's your grilled cheese and tomato soup, and then here's chicken tenders and fries." Whatever they want and you give them the option, they're more likely than to pick one that is appealing to them. So give them choices, or maybe remember kind of what they really liked in the past and put those in the choices too, and they'll more likely then pick an option and eat.
Valarie, I would imagine it's probably important to limit those options, as well. Like, we probably don't want to give them 5 options, but maybe 2 or something like that just to make it easier for them to make an easy decision. Is that right?
Yep. I have an example in my book, a lady was struggling to get her husband to eat, and he didn't really even remember when he should eat or what he should eat. And so she made little picture cards of like eggs and bacon, peanut butter, I think it was crackers. And these are real life situations that you're reading in here. And so those little picture cards gave him, first of all, independence to pick out his own meal. But then pick something that he'd want to eat and then they're more likely to eat for you.
Yeah. Oh, I like that, having those visuals. And maybe he can't even verbalize it, but it's just like maybe touching the card like this is what I want, right? Giving those cues to the caregiver. That's good, Val. Okay, what about, I know that there are oftentimes behavioral changes that typically precede memory decline and dementia. So what are some common triggers to consider for challenging behavior?
Triggers? Well, like I said in the communication phrases that we say, those can be triggers.
Okay.
Maybe when you think about it, when you go in to help give them care and you want to get them up and ready and dress, making sure that you're in the appropriate mind space. If you're going to rush in because you only have 10 minutes to get them ready, because you have an appointment too, or you need to get them out, you have to be prepared that they might act out because they can't get ready in 10 minutes. They need the time. And then they can feel your sense of stress and urgency. And then they're like, "Well, no, I don't want to get dressed." So making sure you're in the right mindset, that you've given yourself enough time for whatever the situation that you are putting them in. Maybe it's even just moving them from the living room to the dining room to eat, making sure that you're going in with positive calm demeanor and giving them the time that they need. Often when we rush and stuff, that's when we see those triggers.
Okay, what about some of the common behaviors that emerge from those triggers? You know, is it refusal to do whatever the activity is? Is it shutting down? What do some of those challenging behaviors look like?
I would say one of the most common is refusal. They just say absolutely no. Or they just don't say anything to you. And they hold on to their chair or wheelchair and they're like, "You're not moving me." Maybe it's yelling, maybe it's crying. They might just start crying because they have over exaggerated emotions. They can't handle their emotions properly. So their anger comes out as crying.
I think that's helpful. So we obviously we want to reduce these triggers as much as possible and some of these challenging behaviors. So really it sounds like being mindful of tone and timing and not being rushed. Like I think just in life in general. Right. If we're rushing around, our stress levels are going to be high. And then if we're a caregiving for someone with dementia and we have high stress levels, they're going to feel that. And so it's probably not going to end up very well.
Yeah. I want to give you an example. So last week I had a patient, I was in the nurse's station, I was working on orders, and I could hear the patient yelling and screaming. The son was in there and one of the nurse aides, trying to get her to get in the shower. She didn't want to get in the shower.
And I kept hearing her yell, "No, I don't want to get in the shower. Why are you making me get in the shower? I don't need a shower. I just got a shower." Well, she's been refusing to get a shower all week. So the son came in to try to get her to do this, and he couldn't get her to budge. But they kept just saying, "Well, you have to. You have a UTI. You're stinky, you're dirty.
We have to get you clean." So I got up, I went down to her level, on my knees, I held onto her hand, and I was like, "We need to get you a shower. So you're nice and dressed and ready for dinner later, and I believe your son's going to have dinner with you tonight. Isn't that wonderful? We want to get you nice and clean." And she kind of gave me a little bit of a hard way, but I just kind of kept staying calm, talking to her nicely. I said, "Would you like me to help you?" So that me and the aide took her into the shower. She gave me a little bit of a hard time, but I kept staying positive and just saying, like, "We're going to have this wonderful dinner." And she did the shower, and it was just changing the tone and the way I made her feel that she was finally like, "Okay, I'm going to let them take care of me."
Yeah. Wow, what a turnaround. Valerie, that kind of reminds me of caring for toddlers, I mean, my kids aren't toddlers anymore, but when they were, going down to their eye level, having a very loving, caring tone and coming at it from a different perspective of, you need to do this, you need to go do this. Right? That often doesn't go over very well, just like it doesn't go over very well with older adults who have dementia. So why would we expect a different result? That's a really great example. Thanks for sharing with us. Tone matters.
Coming to their eye level and having that positive outcome, like, why are we doing this? What's the good that's going to come out of this, Right? Versus, "You need to. You have to. You've got a UTI." Yeah. That's not convincing her, obviously. So, yeah, good job in turning the situation around. What about some activities? What are some helpful activities for people with dementia that can reduce maybe some challenging behaviors, or even just activities that you see people with dementia often enjoy?
Music therapy. That's probably my # 1 thing I see the joy in my geriatric patients and they love is...I could be driving in my car and a song comes on from 20 years ago, and I immediately remember it. Well it's the same thing for our dementia patients. They immediately remember that Beatles song, or Michael Jackson song, or even far back, Frank Sinatra, whatever.
Yeah.
And they'll start singing it. And maybe they've had a really stressful time. Maybe it was the lady that was in the shower, and that was super stressful for her, and we immediately put on her favorite music. Some of my patients that can't even communicate, they have no speech anymore, you put a set of headphones on them and put their favorite music on that the family's given you, they immediately just start singing. Singing. You can tell they calm them. So I love music therapy. And even puzzles.
If they're in the first couple of stages, they can still work on puzzles. It helps keep their mind sharp. It helps keep their fingers. When they lose this, they can't use a spoon. So if you keep doing those small activities that help use your fingers, it helps keep those things sharp.
Yeah, good point with having the dexterity with your hands because eating is one of those activities of daily living that obviously, if you can't do it, that's going to require somebody to be right there feeding you, which is going to require more support. And if you're a caregiver yourself, that's going to require more of your time. And so you want to help them keep that as long as possible.
Trivia. They might not remember their daughter's name, but they remember facts from the past. And those things keep them fresh and keep their mind working. And it's good to keep them in some activities during the day so behaviors don't happen. If you think about if you leave them in a dark, cold room on the couch with a TV going on, and you leave them there for hours, well, they're gonna get bored. And when they get bored, behaviors happen.
Right. Oh, for sure. Same thing with kids.
Yes. Right.
Like, you put them in front of a TV for hours and hours, and it's like, "Okay, well, you're really cranky now. You probably shouldn't have watched so much TV and done that." So, okay, let's talk a bit more about caregivers. Valarie we know that caring for the caregiver is so important because we know that poor caregiver wellbeing is really a key factor that influenced the decision for a family to potentially place their family member in a long-term care facility. And that caregivers of chronically ill people, or disabled people are also at risk for developing health problems themselves. So what are some coping strategies caregivers can employ to really prioritize self care so that they have better results?
I think a good thing is to join a support group of other caregivers. So getting away for maybe an hour a few times a month, or maybe even just once a month, whatever you're able to do, to go be around other people that are going through the same thing, it helps you realize other people are going through it. It's not just you. And you can really connect with those other people. I think that's super important. And then also involving your other family members, you know, I think it's really good that the caregiver find a couple hours every single week where they can get away. And maybe it's just going to the grocery store by themselves, or going to a women's Bible study, or life group, or something that they enjoy. It's super important because you need that time for yourself and for things that you enjoy.
Because if you're just going every single day, all day long, you are going to burn out. You are going to have feelings of depression, feeling like you're all alone, that no one's out there to help you. And there is a lot of organizations out there with all kinds of resources. And if there's any caregivers out here and they're needing that extra support, I have lots of examples in my book. But you can also reach out to me.
Okay.
Yeah.
You don't have to go it alone. Caregivers don't have to be on a deserted island and go in it alone. There are plenty of support groups and resources out there. You have to seek them. And Val does give some examples in her book. So thanks for that, Valarie. Let's move to preparing for the inevitable.
So really meaning end of life. So what type of documents, legal documents, do you see that are important when someone gets diagnosed with dementia?
I would say when someone gets diagnosed with dementia, it's super important to designate someone that's going to be a power of attorney, healthcare power of attorney, or estate, person in estate, because as they progress through those stages of dementia, they aren't going to be able to make those decisions about their home, about their house, about their bills, appropriately. And they need someone that they trust and love to be able to take care of those things. So I say as soon as you notice that there's some kind of cognitive decline, or they've been given diagnosis of dementia, or even plan way before then. Your mother, maybe she is fully functioning right now, but have those things in place for when that happens, or could happen because a lot of times we wait till it's too late and then we're scrambling. So really making sure that you have a will, that you have a power of attorney for health care, a person in estate, making sure that you know, a plan of what you want to do with your home. If, God forbid you get really sick and you need to be placed in a nursing home, do you have the funds and do you have long-term care policies, or things in place so that your family isn't trying to figure out those funds is super important. And getting a good attorney.
Absolutely. So having those financial and estate documents, all really important and hopefully you're working with a financial advisor, or planner to help you at least get the money part set up. You know, if I do need care in the future, or if my mom or dad does need care, where's that money going to come from to pay for it if they do need professional care? Most often I'm seeing that there's a combination where people have professional care and then family members are also pitching in. So it's a combo. It's not necessarily just one or the other, but yeah, you got to have a way to pay for those professionals to do it and what's an efficient and effective way to do that? That's where we look to long term care insurance. As a specialist, I help people, but then the estate documents. Yes, work with an attorney to get these documents and you don't even need to be sick to do this.
Right. I would be very proactive.
Yes, yes. And even families, I think everyone, if you have a family, you need an estate plan. You might not need the extent to that someone else might need if they have dementia. But you do need these legal documents. They're really important. But yeah, as soon as you get that diagnosis, definitely make sure those are in place. That's good, Val.
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What about some goodbyes? What are the principles that you see for end of life care?
So it's a really hard question. I would say almost weekly I have family members, caregivers that don't know how to say goodbye. They weren't ready to say goodbye. Maybe their dementia progressed really fast. Maybe they had rapid onset of Alzheimer's and no one really told them how this all works. And I would say the most important thing is what stage are they in? Are they in the early stages? Are they in the moderate to severe end of life stages? If they're towards the end, quality is the most important. You know, if they fall and they hit their head but they don't remember their name, they have to be helped to be fed. Maybe sending them to the ER where they're going to be poked and prodded and given testing and then sent right back isn't the right answer.
What would make them feel the most comfortable and give them the best quality of life? Well, maybe that's staying where they are in their home and calling in hospice for extra resources and to make sure that they're comfortable and they don't have any pain, or suffering. I feel like a lot of times this is a really hard thing for families because they don't know, "Well, how far do I go, or at what point do I call in hospice?" Families and caregivers in my experience are always scared of the word hospice. They think that means immediately their loved one is going to die super fast and they're not going to see them anymore and they're not ready. Families are not ready. They're like, "Well, what else can you do?" But that's not always the case. Like if we know that they're at the end stages of Alzheimer's dementia, we know at some point they are going to pass away and we want to make that as comfortable as we can. And so calling hospice in sooner rather than later, they can give them more one to one care. Doesn't mean they're going to give them the medicines, you know, of morphine and atamin that we're scared of right away.
Yeah, they're going to be able to keep them more comfortable, give them baths, things that takes the pressure off the caregiver. Because towards the end it's really, really hard. You are doing everything and calling in hospice is that extra lifeline that you have that's going to help support you and they're going to help you with figuring out how do I say goodbye, what do I need to do, how do I handle this? They have a grief counselor, they give you a pastor. They have all kinds of resources. And I always say when it was getting to that point, think about hospice and it's just a consult. You don't even have to accept it. They'll tell you how it works, what they'll do, what they can do for you. And it's all covered by Medicare.
And also hospice, you can be in hospice for months and months. Right?
You can even graduate from hospice because they do better.
Yeah, I think a lot of people don't know that. I think you're right. People consider hospice like the very, very end. Like maybe it's the last couple weeks, which maybe some people are only on hospice for a couple of weeks, but you can be on hospice for months and months. So, yeah, take advantage of these services that we have through Medicare does pick up the tab for hospice and they're not there 24/7. It's not round the clock care, but it certainly is a helpful service that is available. So don't be afraid to call-in and get the support and get the help that's needed. That's good, Val.
Moving on. How can caregivers process and cope with grief after the loss of a loved one?
So it is really hard, just as anyone who will lose a loved one even if they don't have dementia. It's very difficult, I think surrounding yourself with a good support system. Other people being in a support group, like I said, that others that are going through the same thing as you. Having someone to grieve with and share those feelings with will really help you tremendously. If you're a religious person, speaking with your pastor, or your priest to help you with cope with that. But I also see a lot of caregivers do really well helping them kind of grieve afterwards by going and volunteering in memory cares, going and doing the music therapy for the memory care. You know, I have a family member who, her mom passed away from dementia, it was vascular dementia. And she really didn't know what to do after her mom was gone. She was used to doing all the care, all the time.
And then she's like, boom, I don't have anything to do. So she started volunteering in a memory care and doing the music there because she can sing and she does it every single week. She finds joy in it. She is able to help others and that will really help you cope and kind of get through that grief process.
That's beautiful. Yeah, I hadn't thought about that. I don't think I've ever heard of a caregiver then going maybe back to the place where their loved one was and volunteering. And I could see how that would be really therapeutic. What about, so after the death of the loved one with dementia, what are some tips for caregivers so they can rediscover themselves? Maybe that is volunteering, but in what other capacities do you see, Val?
I think finding what your passion was, like a hobby that you had before. So maybe you loved to scrapbook before, but you never could because you were taking care of your loved one. Or maybe you loved going to car shows as a male and that was your passion. Or you love cars, like finding something that you loved because now you have the time to find that passion again and find something that you love. I think that's super important because a lot of them lose it. They lose what they used to love to do and their hobbies.
Right. Because they're so consumed in the caregiving journey. Expending themselves day-in and day-out to love and to serve another person. And yeah, your hobbies, your interests get put on the wayside and yeah, so going back to the drawing board, like, "Hey, what did I used to enjoy doing before being a full time caregiver," or even a part time caregiver and trying those things.
I had a caregiver, he used to put together old cars and refurbish old cars and he hadn't done it for years and had a car sitting in his garage. And when his mom was at the end and he was like, "What am Igoing to do?" And I said, "You're going to go into your garage, you're going to take that tarp off your car and you're going to work on it." And he was like, "Oh, I didn't even..." like it was just like, "really?" And I'm like, "You're going to have the time to do it and you're going to think about her, you're going to think about the memories that you had with your family member and you're going to get to do what you love." And it was like, "Oh, wow," like a light bulb went off. "I can actually have time to do that again."
So yeah, rediscovering yourself. Really important part of the process. Well, Val, we've talked about a lot today. You've given us so many good tips. But finally, any final advice, or tips for caregivers of dementia, people with dementia, so that they can live well?
Yeah, I would say if you're noticing behaviors in your loved one that they didn't used to do before, do not wait to get help, or get answers. Seek help from your primary care provider. Tell them what's going on, let your other family members know, "Hey, dad forgot to mow the lawn this week. He always mows the lawn every Tuesday at 10 o'clock." Those are those kind of things you're going to notice and get the help as soon as you notice it because the sooner you get a plan in place and the sooner you know what's going on with them, the easier it'll be for the road ahead, not only on the caregiver, but for the patient.
Great advice. Be proactive. Plan as much as you can. Plan ahead. Get the help that you need. Get the support. That's good, Val. Well, where can people find out more information about you, Valarie, and how you help people? And I know in addition to being a nurse practitioner and specializing geriatrics, Val actually has her own private practice.
So go ahead and tell us about that, Val.
Yeah, so I own with one of my friends, we have a primary care practice in Pataskala, Ohio. It's called LivingWell Health Center. We take care of all ages, so baby newborns to geriatrics. And we really hone in on specialized comprehensive personalized care. So we're a direct primary care model, which means we don't bill insurance for our visits, but that allows us to give our patients the best possible care we can. You get hour-long visits with us, not 10 minutes rushed out the door with your traditional medicine. And it's been really rewarding. And I also have a Facebook page and on there you can find advice, tips and I also speak at different support groups I'd love to speak at.
If you have a support group, or anyone that's listening that you would like more information. And then I do recommend getting my book. If you have any questions, or you're dealing with this, we only like touched the surface, but it is really, really full of great information. I tried to make...I almost call it like the "bible of dementia caregiving", like from the beginning to the end, everything that you could run into, and more.
With lots of examples. I'll tell you lots of examples. And stories, which I think are so helpful because it really helps you envision, "Oh, yeah, I can identify with that. I'm going through that right now. Okay. Well, what do I do about that? Like, how do I tackle that issue that I'm facing?"
Yeah. Every single chapter opens with a real life story that hopefully our readers can relate to and kind of really gives you the framework of what we're going to talk about in that chapter.
Yeah. Well, Val, thank you so much for your time and your expertise today. It was great. I think this is going to be helpful for a lot of people who are listening and watching. So thank you so much, and have a wonderful day.
All right. Thanks. Bye.
