How to Cope With Caregiver Stress with Todd Keitz

💡Welcome back to the Steadfast Care Planning podcast, the show that helps you plan for care to live well. Our guest is Todd Keitz, not just a seasoned CEO of My Care Friends and 17 Commerce, but also a compassionate caregiver advocate drawing from his profound personal experience. Todd's caregiving journey began unexpectedly when he was just nine years old, continuing throughout his life and intensifying in 2018 when he started caring for his parents.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 In this episode, Todd opens up about the shift from his fulfilling life in California to the 24/7 responsibilities of a caregiver in Florida. He shares the stresses and unpredictabilities of caring for aging parents and the vital importance of self-care and organization to manage the relentless demands of caregiving. Todd digs deep into navigating the healthcare system, the power of positive thinking, and maintaining an attitude of gratitude even in the toughest times.

🔍 Listeners will get an exclusive insight into My Care Friends, Todd's innovative platform designed to support fellow caregivers. The discussion covered the mental and emotional tools that can buoy caregivers, including both free resources like Insight Timer and the invaluable community Todd is nurturing at My Care Friends. Stay tuned as Todd imparts words of wisdom, from pre-caregiving preparations to sustaining your well-being amidst the trials of a caregiver's life. In this episode they covered:

🔹 Todd’s caregiving journey beginning at an early age and its evolution over the years

🔹 The life transitions Todd made amid his caregiving role for his parents

🔹 The fluctuating nature of caregiving commitment and how it impacted his personal well-being

🔹 Dealing with stress as a caregiver and tools to manage it

🔹 Navigating the healthcare system and tips for advocacy

🔹 Handling family dynamics and setting boundaries

🔹 Using technology and resources like My Care Friends to support caregivers

🔹 Advantages of staying positive throughout the caregiving journey

For more information about Todd Keitz and My Care Friends please visit:

https://mycarefriends.com

Or, LinkedIn:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/toddkeitz/ ______________________________________________________________________________

➡️ Watch this podcast:  https://youtu.be/K1fgsq7sLQE 

#LongTermCare #ToddKeitz #SteadfastCarePlanning #LongTermCareInsurance #MyCareFriends

For additional information about Kelly, check her out on Linkedin or www.SteadfastAgents.com.

To explore your options for long-term care insurance, click here.

Steadfast Care Planning podcast is made possible by AMADA Senior Care and Steadfast Insurance LLC.

Come back next time for more helpful guidance!

Transcript

Kelly Augspurger [00:00:02]:
Hey everyone, welcome to Steadfast Care Planning where we plan for care to live well. I'm your guide, Kelly Augspurger. With me today is Todd Keitz, CEO of My Care Friends and 17 Commerce, as well as a caregiver advocate. Todd, thanks so much for being here.

Todd Keitz [00:00:18]:
Oh, thanks, Kelly. I'm thrilled to be here with you today. Thanks so much.

Kelly Augspurger [00:00:22]:
Well, Todd, we are going to be talking about caregiving for aging parents and the older adults in our lives. And I know that you are not a stranger to the caregiving world because you are currently a caregiver and advocate to both of your parents. Right?

Todd Keitz [00:00:38]:
I am. Since 2018.

Kelly Augspurger [00:00:40]:
Yeah. Okay. So your caregiving experience started in 2018. What has that caregiving experience been like, Todd? Kind of take us through what living well in your life was like before caregiving, and then how did that change as a result of the caregiving journey?

Todd Keitz [00:00:59]:
Yeah, if I can, I'm going to go off script for a second. So my caregiving experience actually started when I was nine years old.

Kelly Augspurger [00:01:06]:
Oh, well before parents. Okay.

Todd Keitz [00:01:08]:
Yeah. My uncle came to live with us. He was very sick, and I was helping at that point where he had a colostomy, so I was helping change his bag and do so forth. So her nine year old is pretty powerful. Fast forward 20 years, or so. Then I was caregiver advocate for my sister, who was in a very serious car accident and was in a coma for a couple weeks, and we didn't know if she was going to live. That then led to my parents. I was no stranger to it, but of course, very different at this stage in life.

Todd Keitz [00:01:37]:
So it's been a journey with both of them since 2018.

Kelly Augspurger [00:01:40]:
Wow. And so before you were providing care to your parents, Todd, what was life like? Like living well for you? What did that look like? And then how did that change when you started caring for mom and dad? And are you caring for mom and dad full time? Is this part time for you? You know, like, how many hours? What does that logistically look like?

Todd Keitz [00:01:58]:
Yeah. So great questions. What I'm doing right now, I'm gonna go in reverse. What I'm doing right now, knock on wood. They're relatively stable. They have ongoing things because it was a crazy journey. So what did it look like initially? Initially, it was 24/7 for three to four years, and I stepped aside from my role as CEO of a fintech startup and came from California, where I was living well, and we'll talk about that in a second. And was just here.

Todd Keitz [00:02:28]:
And then my dad got sick, bladder cancer, and went through two rounds of chemo and radiation. And that was in the middle of COVID So it's been a journey. Things have stabilized a great extent. So time, 24/7 for a number of years. Now it can range anywhere from 5 to 30 hours a week. It just depends what's going on and how many appointments and so forth. So your question about living well. Living well looks very different.

Todd Keitz [00:02:56]:
Prior to being here, I was living in California, in Oakland, California, in the San Francisco Bay area. Living well was every day I'd be hiking, I get my exercise in and I got to see friends all the time, got to go to events and so forth. And that changed when my mom initially started getting sick. I didn't know I would stay in Florida. You know, you don't come and think, "Oh, yeah, she's going to be hospitalized 17 times in 22 months." You have no idea. So you come. But it just happened that way.

Todd Keitz [00:03:26]:
So I'd say I didn't really understand what living well was for quite a while because it was all in encompassing. I would keep up my meditation practice because that was really important to me as best as possible, keep up with friends during those few years that were really difficult. Now it's different. Now I'm back to exercising again the way I want to exercise, and I get to see friends and so forth. So it's changed.

Kelly Augspurger [00:03:51]:
It's been an improvement. Your story is so interesting, Todd, because oftentimes with caregiving experiences, we see the reverse, where maybe it just starts out part time and then moves into more hours and more of a commitment. Yours has, actually, it's the reverse. So quite unusual from a lot of caregivers that I talked to as far as what that commitment has looked like now, what do you contribute that to? Is it because you have a good handle on their situations now? Is it they're just more healthy? What's the change? Why the change?

Todd Keitz [00:04:23]:
And when you say "the change", do you mean how it went from the 24/7 to where it is now?

Kelly Augspurger [00:04:28]:
Yeah. Yeah. Is it because they now have professional caregivers coming in so you don't have to help in that area? Or is it they just don't need as much help anymore because they are healthier and they're more mobile?

Todd Keitz [00:04:39]:
Yes. So combination answer, as they often are. So they are healthier, they're changed. So it's not as if they're back to what they were. Not even close, but it's changed. They don't need the 24/7 everything. I don't have to do absolutely everything.

Todd Keitz [00:05:00]:
I don't have to cook and clean, etc. There's nobody who's been coming in. I still handle whatever is needed. I do the shopping. I'll cook for them a couple times a week. But my dad's able to help out now, and he's in a much better place.

Todd Keitz [00:05:13]:
His cancer is clear at this point, which is a miracle.

Kelly Augspurger [00:05:16]:
Wonderful.

Todd Keitz [00:05:17]:
And my mom is stable, which is a miracle after everything she went through. So, you know, we know it's going to turn at some point for all of us it does. So right now that's why I just keep incredibly busy.

Kelly Augspurger [00:05:28]:
What lessons, Todd, have you learned specifically about dealing with stress as a caregiver?

Todd Keitz [00:05:33]:
Avoid it...no (Haha).

Kelly Augspurger [00:05:35]:
Avoid the stress (Haha). How do we avoid it? Really minimize it, right? How do we minimize the stress?

Todd Keitz [00:05:42]:
As I referenced a moment ago, meditation has been really important to me. It's been a part of my life for the past 30 years. I find it very calming, centering. It enables me sometimes to sleep better and exercise just getting out, even for a walk, I'm very organized. So not only do I have sticky notes all around my desk and everything, and whiteboards, but I have a calendar with reminders. Whether I end up doing it or not just depends on the flow of the day. But I try to really keep to it. So it's a reminder.

Todd Keitz [00:06:12]:
Get out for a walk. Do your stretches at minimum. I want to stretch because we don't always have the time, but I'm a big believer if we at least get something in, it's better than nothing.

Kelly Augspurger [00:06:23]:
Oh, for sure, I'm with you. So I have a standing desk that I use most of the day. It's adjustable. Right now I'm sitting because if I'm standing, I'm moving too much, Todd. But when I'm not podcasting, I'm standing at my desk. But it allows me to stretch, or to do some squats, or to do some leg lifts, or just like a little bit of movement throughout my day so I'm not just standing and still.

Kelly Augspurger [00:06:46]:
And I think that really makes a difference whether you're a caregiver, or not. You know, we know that stress definitely can take a toll on your health. So being active, taking care of your body physically, but also, of course, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, right? We know all of those things are really important in our mental health. So what would you say, Todd, have been the biggest stressors? If you could just pick out a couple about your caregiver journey.

Todd Keitz [00:07:10]:
Wow. The biggest stressors, some are very situational and some are overall. Situationally with my mom, during those 22 months where she was hospitalized 17 times, the stressors were, you really didn't know what was coming next. And you do get PTSD from that. And that lasted for a time, and then my dad. So it's dealing with, can I do anything? Can I just relax before something urgent happens? And I know that happens for so many caregivers. You're waiting, you're on edge, waiting for the next pin to drop, or bomb to drop, whatever it might be.

Kelly Augspurger [00:07:44]:
Yeah.

Todd Keitz [00:07:45]:
Yeah. It's hard. So, you know, you do your best. You do your best to just go with the flow. And I've always been a pretty good go with the flow. Although I am a very organized, meticulous person, I go with the flow as best possible because that's life. You just never know.

Kelly Augspurger [00:07:58]:
Right. There's always change, right? So we have to adapt and we have to be able to react to changes in our life, whether that's in the caregiving world and with our family, or anything else that we need to be able to adapt and make some changes when necessary. The Steadfast Care Planning podcast is sponsored by AMADA Senior Care. AMADA provides complimentary consultation with a senior care advisor to find the right care, from in-home caregiving to community care, as well as, long-term care insurance claim advocacy, and unique support partnerships for financial advisors to address family transitions and generational retention. To learn more, visit www.SteadfastWithAmada.com. Any other big stressors that you feel like really stand out to you that really affected your caregiver journey?

Todd Keitz [00:08:49]:
That's a really, really good question. There's so many different things at different moments in time. I mean, it could be having to deal with the healthcare system, which is really challenging to deal with, and trying to get a hold of physicians, or even nurse practitioners, or whoever it might be, and they're swamped and they've got a lot going on. That was a big stressor. You're dealing with the stress of caregiving itself, and then that's part of the advocacy part is you just got to keep going. You got to keep getting a hold of people, even if they're not getting back to you, and you can't worry about what they're thinking about you. That's stressful, incredibly stressful. And then it can be stressful if my family's listening to this, which they might.

Todd Keitz [00:09:27]:
It can be stressful dealing with family at times during caregiving and advocacy. It just, you know, whether it's the people you're caring for, or your siblings, or your other relatives, and they don't quite understand really what's going on on the ground, because unless you're in those shoes, it's really hard to understand.

Kelly Augspurger [00:09:45]:
Yeah. Navigating the healthcare system is so complex, right? Let's just start there. I mean, we could spend hours probably talking about that. Whether you're talking about doctor's offices, hospitals, home care, there's so many facets of that. What would you say would be the most helpful for anybody listening who is a caregiver? Or maybe they will be a caregiver soon, or they see it like on the horizon when dealing with the healthcare system, what do you think are a couple of tips that, you know, you've learned along the way of, "Hey, you should do x, y and z when dealing with doctors, or dealing with the healthcare system." What would you say to that?

Todd Keitz [00:10:22]:
Number one, at a high level, do your best to co-create the experience with your physicians and learn early on who is the best person in an office to deal with. Who's going to be the one who is responsive and just keep communicating. Don't assume that they're ignoring you. Don't think they're ignoring you. They're really busy. But keep calling. Do what you've got to do within reason, I mean, and you want to do it respectfully, but call, send the notes on MyChart if you're not getting a response, you know, in a reasonable period of time. And that's up to the individual to decide what's a reasonable period of time, depending upon the situation. But keep asking questions.

Todd Keitz [00:11:00]:
And always try and understand that the healthcare professionals, they are also human and they have families and they're stressed and they've got a lot of things to do. And that often helps because positive energy begets positive energy. And if you're coming at it from a stressful place, yeah, they understand, but it's going to be harder for them to connect with you. And it's really important stay as positive as you can, even in the darkest moments.

Kelly Augspurger [00:11:26]:
I think a good attitude goes a long way, right? Like an attitude of gratitude. I talk about that a lot in my house with my kids. We're going to have an attitude of gratitude even if the circumstances stink. You know, we need to focus on what is good in this situation and be thankful for XYZ, even if it's really tough. So, yeah, I think that probably makes a really big difference. And then what about with family? What tips would you provide as far as, you know, just navigating the healthcare system with family, or even just the caregiving journey with family, if that is specifically in relation to the people you're providing care to and/or your family members who are maybe on the sidelines watching, or maybe they're actually helping in the process.

Kelly Augspurger [00:12:07]:
What have you found to be helpful?

Todd Keitz [00:12:09]:
Yeah, that's a great question. It's a big topic. We could spend a lot of time on that. It took me three years, I'd say give or take maybe four years to come to terms with just my choices, because I chose to be in this position to help my parents. I think because everything was so chaotic that I always had this...I don't know if it was an expectation, but perhaps it was early on, that, yeah, my siblings, they could just drop everything and stop what they're doing and be here to help, and that wasn't the case. And so it took me a number of years to just come to terms with that.

Todd Keitz [00:12:43]:
"You know what? Yeah, okay. They've got their lives, they're doing whatever." So I think the biggest thing is communicate. I did that great in ways, but through my experience, I could have communicated in other ways also, because it's hard when you're in the middle of caregiving, you're trying to communicate, and you want people to understand. And so as much as I would share everything, I'd share the important things that were going on, but when you have a time to breathe, it's not like, "Okay, I'm going to talk about every little thing that happened to mom or dad." It's just you need to step away. And conversely, I would hope that family members on the other side respect that, and understand that, that this is me time, and I need me time.

Kelly Augspurger [00:13:24]:
Right.

Todd Keitz [00:13:24]:
So communicate as best possible. There is no blueprint other than try your best to communicate and keep everyone informed.

Kelly Augspurger [00:13:32]:
And I would imagine, too, setting expectations of boundaries or limits, you know, especially if you are the one that is committed to being the caregiver to your family members. It's very difficult to do that 24/7 for a long period of time, and you do need breaks. You know, we want to prevent caregiver burnout and to protect the caregiver, too, in the process. And so setting healthy boundaries for yourself and communicating that to your other family members, you know, this is what I can do. But, "Hey, I need some help with whatever it might be, you know, like this week, could you help with meals, or could you help with transportation or...," I don't know, you know, fill in the blank. I think that's probably something that you've probably done as well and like learned how to navigate that as well.

Todd Keitz [00:14:17]:
Yeah, the challenge with that is when you have family members that are not in the area, so they're in the distance. Yeah, it's really difficult, certainly with the physical help, but also just with perhaps trying to identify local resources. If you're not familiar with the local landscape and where and what and how, it's hard for somebody at a distance to really step in and do it. So you end up doing it yourself. So there are some things that you can ask for help with and that, you know, I have at times. And again, you just do your best to identify those.

Kelly Augspurger [00:14:50]:
Yeah, great, great tips, Todd. The Steadfast Care Planning podcast is sponsored by the Certification for Long-Term Care, CLTC, an in depth training program that gives financial advisors the education and tools they need to discuss extended care planning with their clients. Look for the CLTC designation when choosing an advisor. If you're looking to become a CLTC, enroll in their masterclass and enter "Kelly" in the coupon code field for $200 off. Todd, what about tools? Are there tools that people can use to deal with some of the mental and emotional stress of caregiving that you're familiar with?

Todd Keitz [00:15:26]:
Sure. There are different apps that are helpful. The one I use the most is Insight Timer, which I find wonderful. It's free. I mean, there's paid versions, but it's free and you get a lot. You can choose the mindfulness teachers that you like, and they range everything from five minutes to an hour to an hour and a half meditations, or lessons that will teach you about how to meditate. There's lessons also about how to prepare for sleep.

Todd Keitz [00:15:54]:
There's a whole host of educational series, so I think that's really helpful. And then of course, I'm going to say, My Care Friends.

Kelly Augspurger [00:16:01]:
Yeah, tell us about My Care Friends. Obviously I'm familiar, but please share with everybody else. What's My Care Friends?

Todd Keitz [00:16:06]:
So, My Care Friends is born out of my experiences of caregiving and advocacy. It was developed to be an online platform for caregivers and patient advocates to connect, share, and support each other. It has now morphed into a much grander process and grander program than I had originally thought, which I'm thrilled about. Also, My Care Friends we are developing. We're doing six collaborative series of programs with different organizations and individuals that are thought leaders on these topics. We're galvanizing people all over, and it's going to be providing knowledge and know how on these different topics. So that is a resource where people can go online, they can connect with other caregivers and advocates on a myriad of topics.

Todd Keitz [00:16:55]:
There's 70 groups in there that they can go, and then they can create their own subtopics within those groups, and news, and features, and marketplaces, and so forth.

Kelly Augspurger [00:17:04]:
Yeah, very cool. And is there a fee for that, Todd? Is it free? How does that work for people if they want to access it?

Todd Keitz [00:17:11]:
Thanks for asking. Yeah, it's free.

Kelly Augspurger [00:17:13]:
Wow.

Todd Keitz [00:17:14]:
Yeah. We did not want to prevent anyone from joining. Caregivers and advocates have a rough enough time with extra money out of their pocket for care when they're caring for somebody. So it's free to join. And for full access, we'll have some pay areas and some certain things as we move forward. But no, they can get the bulk of everything free.

Kelly Augspurger [00:17:33]:
That is fantastic because, yeah, we do know caregivers are short on time, energy, money, all the things. And so if they can have something at their fingertips that they can access to help them in that journey, it's really going to improve their mental health, probably their physical health, and then help them to be a better caregiver, right? And to take care of themselves better as well. Very cool. Well, Todd, any final advice on how people can plan for care to live well?

Todd Keitz [00:17:59]:
Yeah. So prior to caregiving and advocacy, if anybody's watching, number one, I would say prepare for that day as best possible. I know we always think it's way down the line, or our parents, they're not going to need help for a while, but prepare. And of course, they should be talking to folks like you about that and how they best prepare and then preparing from an emotional, physical, spiritual routine. Get into some kind of routine with that and have it be a part of your life. It's a lot easier, and "easier" in quotes, to either keep it going, or fall back to if you have it before. If you don't, it's going to be a real challenge to have that lifeline, which often is a lifeline when you're going through caregiving.

Kelly Augspurger [00:18:42]:
Right. Excellent tips, Todd. Where can people find more information about you and My Care Friends and any of the other services that you provide?

Todd Keitz [00:18:50]:
So, My Care Friends is straightforward www.MyCareFriends.com and they can find out more about me on LinkedIn. If they'd like to learn and connect with me there, and I'm happy to do that. And certainly they can reach out to me via email. Todd with two "d's", at MyCareFriends.com.

Kelly Augspurger [00:19:06]:
Wonderful. Well, Todd, thank you so much for sharing your experiences and knowledge with us today. I think this will really help some people who are currently caregivers, or maybe they will be caregivers in the future. So we understand that there are millions of Americans who are currently caregivers. And so this does not just affect a minority of people, right? It really is a national thing that we deal with. So we appreciate your time, Todd. Have a great day.

Todd Keitz [00:19:33]:
Thanks. You, too. Bye, Kelly.